What's Your 'Say No' Style? (Read Time: 3 min.)

When it's time to say 'No', everybody has a style.  It's usually the approach we've used the most, the response we feel most comfortable saying (even if we don't feel most confident saying it) and it represents a gaping hole in creating and keeping healthy boundaries. 

How you say 'No' will determine the way in which the person hearing the 'No' responds to you.  

If you've ever wondered why your friend is able to say 'No' and gets no backtalk or slack after it but whenever you say 'No', there's a discussion, a debate, and an argument for hours afterwards, keep reading...

Below are 4 unhealthy 'Say No' styles that I find people using ALOT: 

1. Straight Shooters:  These folks love to say things like "I give it to them straight" or "I call a spade or a spade" or "I tell it like it is" when what they're really doing is using brutal honesty to deliver a point that could've been better made with clear, concise compassionate communication.

2. Bushwackers: These are the people who beat around the bush and give responses like "We'll see", "Maybe", "Let me think about it" or "Can I get back to you on that?"  When they give these responses, they give no deadline to their follow up or follow through nor do they tell you what they're considering.  Their goal is simple: escape FAST and find a way to say 'No' behind the scenes or say 'Yes' at the last minute out of guilt.  Either way, bushwackers avoid the obvious by delaying the truth.

3. Headhunters for Yes: These are the people who know how to say 'No' but don't want to say it unless they're armed with at least ten other ways you can get to your yes... without their involvement.  They postpone the conversation until they've done enough research, come up with enough alternatives, or have gotten enough volunteers to meet your needs.  It gets them off the hook without anybody feeling rejected.

4. Technological Backtrackers:  These are the folks who don't have the guts to tell you 'No' to your face but will text it, fax it, email it or Twitter/Facebook it without even a second thought.  They cop out on delivery and expect compliance.  It's a lame way to say no and an even more horrific way to end relationships... and Techology Backtrackers do both.

Can you relate to any of the above-mentioned 'Say No' styles?  I definitely can...

When it comes to saying 'No' appropriately, here are some ground rules to consider:

1) Know what you're saying 'No' to, why're you're saying 'No' and how you plan to say 'No'
2) Keep the conversation concise but compassionate.
3) Speak to the person ABOUT the issue; do not make the issue about the person.
4) Say what you have to say and end the conversation.  When your 'No' is a 'No', it does not require feedback.  It simply needs to be said and understood.
5) If you want your 'No' honored, be sure that you equally honor other people's 'No.'