Five Boundaries You Need to Stand Firm On (Read Time: 3 min.)

All boundaries are important but not every boundary is absolutely, positively vital to your well being and success in life. 

When push comes to shove, what are the boundaries that you MUST have in place and keep in tact?

Here are 5 of the MUST-HAVE healthy boundaries:

1) Self-Care: By far the most important boundary you need is the boundary that establishes time for YOU: time to rejuvenate, relax, rest, receive, respond, time to make sure you're feeling whole, healthy and complete so you can give your best from your best.  What self-care boundaries do you have in place?

2) Time: Your time is valuable, not just because you have a limited amount of it but because you have an unlimited array of things you can do with it.  Knowing what times of day, what seasons of life, and what activities are off limits and when is an important, healthy boundary to have.  For example, at what hour of day and night do you no longer answer your cell phone?  What are the exceptions to that?  Can people come over your house without prior notice?  If not, how much notice do they have to give you?  What time do you go to bed?  What time do you wake up?  How many hours do you work each week?  These are the kinds of questions that lead to the formation of healthy time boundaries.

3) Family boundaries:  Every person in your family has a role.  Clearly outlining everyone's role and having agreement about who does what when is key to having a family that's in harmony.  Who's the finance person?  Who's the disciplinarian?  How is discipline done?  Who does what chores when?  When is family time each week?  Does the family eat meals together?  If so, how often?  What kinds of decisions are made individually, as a couple, and by the entire family?  What kind of family business is discussed with extended family?  What kinds of business are not discussed with extended family?  What role does extended family make in family decisions?  Where do people live?  How much do people work?  Who takes care of the kids?  How does everyone show and experience love in the household?  These questions help guide the design of healthy family boundaries.

4) Intimacy: Intimacy boundaries set the tone for how close people can come to you (physically and emotionally).  These boundaries identify what an appropriate relationship looks like and when certain types of behavior and communication are allowed/not allowed.  When you set intimacy boundaries, you answer questions like: How close are people allowed to get to you?  What's the physical and emotional distance allowed for a friend? Family member?  Spouse?  Co-worker?  Boss?  What kinds of questions can they ask and where is the line of inappropriate behavior drawn?  How much PDA (Public Displays of Affection) are allowed and where are they allowed? 

5) Work: Work boundaries establish your job roles, responsibilities, and the extent to which those roles and responsibilities overlap into your personal life.  What do you do at work?  What's your job and what's not your job?  How many hours will you work each week?  How much private information will you share with your boss and co-workers?  How often will you take on "extra" projects or help others with their work responsibilities?  What is too much work and how will you keep yourself from experiencing burnout?  All of these questions help you clearly define your work boundaries. 

When first learning how to create AND keep healthy boundaries, there's a temptation to try to create boundaries in ALL areas of life.  That's a lot to take on if you've been people pleasing for years.  Instead, do what works: begin in one or two areas of your life.  Create and keep healthy boundaries in those areas and then expand your healthy boundaries as you get accustomed to the self discipline of communicating and keeping your boundaries in place.