So I wonder... How many of us put on our game face for work, give our all to clients, go out of our way for perfect strangers but barely lift an emotional muscle at home? How many of us are the same in front of the camera that we are behind closed doors? How often do we neglect, delay, or deny the ones who love us most out of a false sense of security that they will stick with us no matter what?
The truth is the truth... whether we like it or not and one of the ways to healthy boundaries at home comes in having healthy boundaries in your family relationships.
At home, you aren't expected to be "on" but you're also not expected to be "off." There's a delicate balance between letting your guard down and being emotionally unavailable. At some point, if you want a family filled with joy, you've got to show up and do the work CONSISTENTLY (i.e. DAILY)... and that's no tall order when you might be faking it in other parts of your life and just want to get home and let it all out.
We need to bring our best selves home.
But how do we do that when we're tired,
worried, unhappy or stressed?
You do that by creating and keeping
healthy relationship boundaries.
Here are 3 healthy relationship boundaries you need to set up in order to be ON at home:
Relationship Boundary #1: I don't poop where I live. In other words, I don't treat the people in my home as if they were emotional garbage cans where I can unload my crap. If I'm upset, I find some productive way to get the stress out but I do not crap on the people I claim to love.
Relationship Boundary #2: I treat each of my family members like million dollar clients... whether they deserve it or not. Yes, it's a hard one. You might have that ungrateful, bratty sixteen year old or that self-absorbed borderline narcissistic spouse but you did agree to the relationship so let's stay on the positive side of the spectrum by agreeing that while you cannot control how the other person shows up, you are ALWAYS responsible for how you come to the table.
3) I let insignificant stuff go five seconds before a complaint comes out of my mouth. Yes, he might not have washed the clothes last night. Yes, she might not have gotten the right takeout for dinner. But, at the end of the day, is a five cent irritation worth a thousand dollar headache... and months of resentment? I think not. So think before you speak and if it's insignificant, LET IT GO...
At the end of the day, your family's experience of you will be molded by how you choose to show up. Use relationship boundaries to create the kind of family that your children (even as adults) will long to come back to.
