TIPS

"The two main types of boundaries are physical and emotional.. I set my physical boundary by choosing who can touch me and how and where I am touched... I set my emotional boundary by choosing how I'll let people treat me..."

- Anne Katherine, "Boundaries"

When you have difficulty creating, setting, and keeping healthy boundaries, it's important to understand that there's a deep connection between how you process your feelings and how create and keep your boundaries.  In order to create and keep healthy boundaries, you must be able to honor how you feel.  Here are a few tips to help you begin the process of creating and keeping healthy boundaries:

Tip #1:
Evaluate all of your relationships and make clear choices about which relationships you are choosing to keep (and foster) and which relationships you are moving away from (letting go of).

Tip #2:
When someone asks you an inappropriate question, let that person know that you will not answer the question because it was inappropriate for the context of the relationship you have... and leave it at that (no explaining, defending, or convincing).

Tip #3:
Talk about important matters with those you are intimate with.  If you can't talk about what really matters to you, what's occurring is a slow and painful erosion of intimacy which, eventually, leads to a loss of healthy boundaries.  In order to let someone into your life, you have to feel comfortable sharing your life and the sharing often involves communication and being known.

Tip #4:
No sex until the context of the relationship you have includes nurturing and comforting.  If you don't feel safe enough with a person to talk about what matters, you aren't secure enough in the relationship to introduce sexual intimacy.  In circumstances where there's lust without trust, the results can be devastating.

Tip #5:
Say what you feel and don't apologize for doing so.  When you keep emotions buried inside, they eventually have to make their way out of you.  While it's important to share your deepest, inner feelings with people you trust, it's also important to be truthful about what's going on for you and within you.  Authenticity doesn't require long, drawn out explanations.  Be truthful about how you feel.  When asked for your opinion, give it.  Be clear, compassionate and conscious in the way you communicate your feelings but never apologize for feeling what you feel.  Validation from others can only come after you validate yourself.