Debt, Boundaries & The Desire for Freedom (Read Time: 4 min.)

How much debt do you have?  

Do you know the exact total? 

Do you know what your debt consists of?

Debt is bondage and bondage keeps us from creating healthy boundaries.  When you feel like an indentured servant to past due bills, the constraint of that energy seeps into everything you think about doing.  All of a sudden, you find yourself wanting to say no to working an extra ten hours a week at work but having to say yes because you "need" the money.  You find yourself living with people you don't even want to socialize with because you need a rent free roof over your head and they were the only ones who said yes.  You find yourself not going anywhere for vacation and having to tell your kids for the thousandth time that you can't afford to get them piano lessons or toys or send them to summer camp.  You find yourself compromising your integrity, giving up your freedom to choose, and silencing your power to say "no" because you are now at the beck and call of people who are giving you "free" help that's not really free because there are strings attached.

It isn't a pretty picture, is it?  

Your debt is real and it may feel real but your sense that you no longer have the right to create and keep healthy boundaries because you're in debt IS NOT real.  In fact, the only way to get out of debt is to get very good at learning what to say yes to and what to say no to.  Without the ability to create powerfully healthy boundaries, you will lack the resolve necessary to get out of debt.

When you crave the freedom that comes with owing no man anything but you're in the kind of debt that will take you at least the next two or more years to repay, how do you set healthy boundaries... AND keep them?  

Here's how:

1)  Speak truthfully, concisely and clearly to bill collectors one good time and provide a follow-up date and time when you will call them back.  There's a breed of bill collector who believes that calling you constantly and harassing you with threats is the way to  make you shake money from a tree.  Not only is it rude and invasive but it's a humiliating experience to have when at work or at home with the family.  Nip it in the bud by answering your phone ONE GOOD TIME and explaining to this person the following: 1) Your current financial situation, 2) Your intention to pay, 3) The date you will call them back to revisit the issue and create payment plans, and 4) The latest date by which you will start making payments.  If that's not good enough for that collector, then hang up the phone and find out who you can report their harassment to.  Bottom line: Do not worry about what comes next.  If you don't have the money to pay, you're worrying about it will not make the money appear any faster.  In fact, it will block money's flow to you.

2) Don't get into more debt.  When you're drowning, don't ask to have more water put on you.  If you can barely pay your bills now, make sure you have a reliable vehicle, a decent roof over your head, the utilities paid, a cell phone that gets good reception, and food to eat.  Anything beyond that is a luxury when money's tight.  In other words, once you have the basics, don't fall into the trap of buying luxuries that you mentally justify as necessities or that you purchase as a way to soothe your feeling of bondage.  If it doesn't feed you, clothe you, or house you (or provide the means by which you do those three), it's not a necessity.

3) Decide the month and year you plan to be debt free and remind yourself of that date EVERY SINGLE DAY until it happens.  Far too often, we create goals and then toss them to the side.  If you want to fulfill a goal, you have to focus on it.  Write down your debt free goal and ask yourself (every day): How can I make this happen?

4) Make ALL decisions from the place of one who has UNLIMITED resources and can operate from his/her highest level of integrity.  You don't have to wait for the money to be in the bank to say "No" to things that would compromise your integrity.  Behave as you would in a debt free space.  You need the self-discipline training NOW so you don't compromise your integrity later.  You also need to be able to teach people how to treat you, no matter what your financial situation or status is.  You will be used in life to the extent that you display feelings of unworthiness.  If you think you have to beg or work to death to have what you want, you will continue on that journey when money is flowing and debt is gone.  Stop the bad habits now.

All in all, here's the deal:

You teach people how to treat you.  

Money (or lack of money) doesn't make you more or less worthy than anyone else.  Once you get that, you can move away from feeling guilt, blame or shame for your current financial situation and onto the business of making the solid financial decisions and creating the firm, healthy financial boundaries that will reshape your entire life.  It begins and ends with you.  Choose wisely...