5 Ways to Opt Out of Boundary Violation Drama (Read Time: 3 min.)

Some people, no matter how much you talk to them about boundaries (what they are, why they're important, which ones you've set up), just don't get it.  Rather than waste your precious time trying to help someone understand why your boundaries matter, identify who the repeat offenders in your life are and deal with them in a way that lets them be who they and lets you opt out of their drama.

Here's the thing:

Some people will violate boundaries

until the day they die.

There's no point in fighting over your right to have boundaries with people like that.  Your role, when you come across an individual like this, is to opt out of their circular boundary-violating arguments. 

How do you do that?

Here are 7 ways:

1) Stop responding to non-sense.  Whether it's an email, phone call, fax, or text message, when someone has shown you that they have no intention of respecting your boundaries, non-communication is the best way to save your energy, effort and time for things that actually matter.

2) Cut outside commentators off at the pass.  When you use method #1, more than likely, your boundary violator will attempt to triangulate other people into the drama and use them as pawns to communicate with you.  Don't buy into.  The only person you need to have any boundary conversations with is the person who's doing the boundary violation.  Once you decide that this communication is no longer necessary, you owe no one else an explanation or opportunity to offer advice.  When a third party tries to join the drama, simply say, "This matter does not concern you and I will not be discussing it.  What else would you like to talk about?" and stick to that.

3) Enjoy your life anyway.  One of the by-products of boundary drama can be getting caught up in the negativity of it all.  Someone who violates your boundaries probably knows your trigger points or hot buttons.  Their hope is that by pushing a button, they'll get you to do what they want you to do.  Your best way out of that drama is to unplug your triggers and put away your buttons.  You do that best by enjoying your life, despite the drama the boundary violator is stirring up.  The more you enjoy your life, the clearer the message becomes: your boundaries will not be moved.

4) Surround yourself with people who support and care about you.  Most people would think this is a no-brainer but it's so easy to get into a space where you cut out EVERYONE from your life because of the boundary violation of ONE person.  Don't do that.  There are those in your inner circle who love and support you.  Draw closer to them.  Allow those people to nurture you in a time when you're feeling somewhat unsafe.  Keep good people around you and don't take one boundary violator's behavior to mean that no one can be trusted.  Remember: believe people when they show you who they are but don't generalize one person's actions to everybody else. 

5) Trust your boundaries.  One of the hopes of a boundary violator is that you'll get tired with time.  If they pester you enough, bother you enough, insult you enough, your defenses will go down and you will give in.  Don't give anyone that much power over your life. If your boundaries are yours, trust them, adhere to them, and own them.  You do not have to compromise your boundaries to keep peace with anyone.  Those who love and respect you will love and respect your boundaries.  Those who do not are those you do not need in your life.

Remember:

You do not have to participate in boundary violation drama.

Let those people play those games alone...