The 5 Reasons Why You are Not on Your Own Priority List... And What to Do About That (Read Time: 3 min.)

Ever look at your priority list and discover that you aren't on it?

Your needs, your goals, your dreams... they didn't make YOUR list.

Ever sit and think to yourself, "How is it that I'm putting everybody else on the list but me?"

Good... I'm glad you're at least asking the question.



Far too many people find themselves living lives they didn't choose.  Is it because they're not capable of more?  No.  Is it because they lack the ability to fulfill their dreams?  Of course not.  People wind up living life on auto-pilot for many reasons but the one that seems to resonate with so many is this:

People who live life on other people's terms do so by failing to create AND keep healthy boundaries.

Think about it... If you lack the ability to say AND mean "No", then the only person you really have the ability to say "No" to is yourself.  Continue that for five, ten, or fifteen years and not only do you have an uninspiring life but you become an overwhelmed, frustrated, resentful person who pastes a smile, says "Yes" incessantly and inwardly is screaming in rage that life is unfair, people are inconsiderate and needs aren't being met.

Don't be that person.  

The first step in rediscovering your boundaries comes in uncovering why you've spent so long not being on your own priority list.

Here are 5 reasons why you are not on your own priority list: 

1) You want other people's approval... even if it costs you your own.  Approval is something everybody seeks but when you need it, you turn the reigns of your life over to the person whose approval you HAVE to have.  Oftentimes, we bypass our own needs to meet the needs of those we want to "like" us.  Remember one thing: people respect those who know how to say "Yes" and "No."  No one will respect your boundaries or meet your needs until you do.
2) You feel obligated to serve the needs of others before your own.  Here's the problem with obligation: service given by force is not service; it's indebtedness and there are few who want to receive help if it's tainted with resentment.
3) You're afraid to be empowered.  Sometimes, we keep ourselves off our own priority lists because we know what being consistently on our own priority list would amount to: an empowered individual with high self esteem who knows what he/she wants and who's not afraid to ask for and receive it.  Many people fear being that person and stepping into that power.  Why?  Because they aren't sure how the other people around them will react to a highly evolved, powerful them.  The fear of losing love, connection, and relationship is enough to keep many people from putting and keeping themselves on their own priority lists.
4)  You don't want to be labeled 'selfish.'  There are many people who were either told or taught that to put themselves first equals being selfish.  In their minds, being selfish is just as bad as being evil.  Here's the problem with that: if you don't take care of you, how will you care for anyone else?  Operating on little sleep, low energy, and without proper care is not a way you can operate for very long.  Even when you do, rest assured that there are serious, long term consequences to taking your own life for granted.  Change the paradigm of 'selfish' and replace it with the concept of self-care.
5) You believe meeting your needs will cost you more in the long run than it will cost you in the short run.  Typically, people who buy into this myth are huge fans of Murphy's Law.  They not only look for the other shoe to drop but they expect it to.  If you're one of those people, keep this in mind: "The thing always happens that you really believe and the belief in a thing makes it happen." - Frank Lloyd Wright

Until you can accept that meeting your needs comes with no dire, negative life consequences, you will continue to put yourself on the back burner... and blame everybody else for it.

So what do you do if you find that one or more of the above reasons apply to you?

Change it...

How?

Here are three next steps to begin the process:

Step #1: Pull out a sheet of paper and write the top 3 needs that you have (that you aren't meeting) that you could meet on your own.  Next to each need, write down why the need is important and what it will cost you 6 months, 1 year and 5 years down the road if you continue NOT meeting the need.

Step #2: Identify what items on your To-Do list you can now delegate to other people so you can create space to put yourself back on the priority list.  Identify What you can delegate, Who you can delegate to, When you'll have the delegation conversation, and What date you plan to have the item fully delegated.

Step #3: Create a 'Me First' implementation strategy where you choose the date, the day, and the time you'll meet each of your three needs.  If it's a habit you need to build into your life, write down what day you'll start building that happen and keep track of the building process for 21 days.  If it's a special event you're going to attend, write down the critical dates you'll need to set the event up, pay for it, and attend.  Find an accountability partner who will hold you accountable for following through.

At the end of the day, you are the master of your Priority List.  If you aren't on that list, not only do you need to re-write the list, you need to redo your life.  In order to give the most to others, you have to begin by giving the most for yourself.  Start with these next three steps and give yourself 21 days to feel and see a difference.  You can do it!

Need more strategies, techniques, and implementation plans for putting you back on your priority list?  Order your copy of The Healthy Boundaries Master Class today!  Visit the site at http://www.healthyboundariesnow.com.