Have You Ever Set a Boundary and Changed Your Mind? (Read Time: 3 min.)

Sometimes the boundaries you set aren't the boundaries you need.  It could easily be that you set a boundary in one place in your life or with a certain amount of information (maybe incorrect information) and you're now in a new place with new information.  The bottom line is this: you have the right to change your mind and you have the right to change your boundaries.

Here's the key to changing boundaries: Change them infrequently enough to establish a firm stance on your core boundary values but change them completely enough so all involved understand that it's your right to have your needs met in the way that you choose.  It's a fine line to walk but it can be done.

Before you change any boundary, ask yourself the following questions:

1) What's not working about the current boundary?

2) How will changing the boundary get my needs met?

3) What impact will changing the boundary have on others?  How can I make it a positive impact?

4) How will I need to establish this new boundary (in terms of behavior, actions, thoughts, and boundary communication)?

5) How will I handle any resistance to this new boundary?

6) How long do I plan to keep this boundary in place? (HINT: If you feel like you might change your mind about the boundary in three months or less, there's no point in changing the boundary).  Keep it the same and try to re-frame or rework the boundary.

Once you've answered those questions, it's time to get down to boundary conversation planning.  You need to identify who you need to communicate the boundary to, when you'll have the conversation, and when the boundary will go into effect.  Knowing this for yourself frees you up from the "deer-in-headlights" look you would've given the moment someone responds to your boundary with, "But why?"  The issue isn't why; the issue is how.  "Here's how my boundary's changing... Here's how I would like to be treated... Here's how we can make this work for both of us..."  Don't get caught up in the blame/explain/complain game.  Speak your truth, explain it compassionately and concisely and then move forward.

At the end of the day, remember that you do have the right to change your mind.  You do have the right to change your boundaries.  No one is the same in any given moment.  Do not expect iron clad boundaries when life is not about being the same; it's about constantly evolving and being different.  Give yourself the room to change your boundaries when life and experience calls for it, not in a whimsical, wiffle-waffle way but in a conscious, compassionate, love-yourself-truly kind of way.